We scan the headlines so you don’t have to.
by Ande Dagan, CelebSnacker
Kanye West quits rapping to devote his life to farming alpacas and Cadburry eggs. Alpaca Love Lockdown
Britney Spears rushed to hospital after trying to eat the feathers out of a pillow she was convinced was trying to spy on her in the bathroom. Pillow Talk
American Apparel to release active senior line with provocative ads featuring Barbara Walters and Wilford Brimley. Old Ass Hipsters
Real Housewives of NYC set to take on Atlanta Housewives in Real World/Road Rules challenge type spinoff. Oh, It’s On!
Twitter to impose fines on any posts detailing the food you are about to eat or what you will watch on TV tonight. Twitter
Genius who built motorized bar stool gets DUI after crashing it while stooling around wasted. 610 WTVN