By Ande Dagan
Unfortunately, the first fifteen minutes of last night’s episode were sound-free due to some elaborate f**k up inside the tubes and wires of my DVR. I’m guessing I didn’t miss much though as the remaining hour and forty-five minutes of bad auditions practically put me in a coma. Unlike the first few episodes of American Idol, where watching crazy people squeak in high pitched voices while wearing feathers and trying to lick Simon Cowell is amusing, watching bad dancing for two hours is not. However having special guest judge, Tyce Diorio, channel his inner queen, and ream the dancers was awesome. It got so bad at the end of the Miami auditions that Nigel actually had to tell Tyce to not be so mean to the dancers next time. Eff that – let ‘em have it, Tyce.
Not all the dancing last night was terrible though. My favorite of the Miami auditions was Eric ‘Silky’ Moore. The hip hopping tap dancer caused me to spit soup out of my mouth when he did a reverse worm. Amazing. Also notable was Joseph Smith, aka the Shawam! guy. He was good, but like ‘fetch’ in Mean Girls, Shawam is never going to happen.
Onto Memphis where a dread-locked ginger hippie raver named Chris performed an elaborate jumping-time-machine-back-to-1997 dance. Then he fought with Nigel about who was ruder and stormed off the stage. He was by far the best crazy of the night. As for good dancing, my favorite Memphis performance was by Evan Kasprazak. He flew around the stage pulling Gene Kelly moves that didn’t cause me to spit out any food, but left me utterly impressed.
Of all of last night’s performers that made it through to Vegas, I’m not sure we’ve seen any who will actually make it to the top twenty, except for maybe Evan. Tune in tonight for the last audition show (thank God!), then next week it’s on to Vegas!