You might think the big huge thing before the GRAMMY awards show is the Red Carpet looks, and it is, sort of. Prior to the GRAMMY Awards Show is the pre-show telecast where Beyonce won big taking home four awards: Best Contemporary R&B Album, Best Female R&B Performance, Best Traditional R&B Performance and Best R&B Song. In addition to that the Black Eyed Peas walked away with three awards and Lady Gaga, Maxwell & Taylor Swift all won two awards each.
For the details on the awards show check out our live coverage after the jump!8:01 p.m. Lady Gaga takes the stage, starting off with the slow version of her smash hit “Poker Face” which turns into a mashup/duet of her song “Speechless” with Elton John’s “Your Song.” This is honestly like a Broadway show. Why would I not be surprised if she ends up doing her very own musical?
8:05 p.m. It looks like the mom from Beetlejuice decorated the set, both Lady Gaga & Elton John’s costumes and their pianos. The arms coming out of the pianos is seriously bizarre. Despite that fact, their duet is freakin’ awesome! Lady Gaga certainly knows how to start things out with a punch!
8:07 p.m. Is it alright for me to say that Elton John might have rocked a little harder than her Royal Gaganess? I guess it’s too late!
8:08 p.m. Stephen Colbert, talking about The GRAMMYS “The highest honor the music industry can bestow next to having your song covered by the cast of Glee.” Wow, he certainly has a point there! I sort of love him!
8:10 p.m. “Remember you may be the coolest people in the world, but this year your industry was saved by a 48-year-old Scottish cat lady in sensible shoes.” Wow, Colbert is awesome!
8:11 p.m. Stephen Colbert is using an iPad on stage at the GRAMMYs. I am filled with jealousy.
8:13 p.m. Song of the Year winner is Beyonce “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It).” Why am I not surprised by this? I bet she wins every last award she is nominated for. Hello? She is Sasha Fierce!
8:14 p.m. Jennifer Lopez introduces Green Day and the cast of American Idiot’s performance. Someone explain to me why she’s dressed like Xena: Warrior Princess? It’s hot, but, uh dumb.
8:15 p.m. Wow, after seeing that I will totally see the American Idiot musical! Billie Joel Armstrong is so awesome on stage. I cannot believe I started listening to Green Day almost 20 years ago. Man!
8:23 p.m. At least the commercials are so long I can shave my legs in between performances!
8:25 p.m. Seriously, Josh Duhamel is super dreamy. Kristen Bell just got engaged too! What a great thing to announce at the GRAMMYs! The two tell listeners to keep voting for the song that Bon Jovi will play live at the GRAMMYs.
8:26 p.m. Josh and Kristen announce the nominees for Best Country Album. The winner is Taylor Swift! Who didn’t expect that? The best part is that Kayne West did not rush onto stage and screw everything up! Taylor Swift is so adorable on stage, “I just feel like I’m standing here accepting an impossible dream right now!”
8:28 p.m. Simon Baker might be The Mentalist but he is also the man of my dreams and the guy who’s introducing Beyonce on stage. Swoon!
8:29 p.m. Beyonce marches onto stage with a legion of storm trooper looking dudes. I am not kidding. This is hilarious in the sort of way that makes me not want to stop watching EVER. Luckily, Beyonce knows how to stand out from the crowd, cause after Lady Gaga’s performance this could have been a little, “Meh!”
8:32 p.m. Beyonce finished performing “If I Were A Boy,” and when I thought it couldn’t get anymore awesome she rolled into a rendition of Alanis Morisette’s “You Outta Know.” That really brings me back! It was one of my favorite songs in junior high. Best part of this performance: Beyonce’s hair & shoes. Can I sell my soul to the devil for a pair of those crap kickers? They are incredible!
8:33 p.m. The audience gives Beyonce a standing ovation. We break for commercials. I break for the bathroom and for hot guys, cause why not?
8:39 p.m. Not only did I go to the bathroom, flirt with cute guys, but I also learned to do the cha cha during the commercial break. Yea. I am that awesome.
8:40 p.m. Nominee, Seal takes the stage and cameras pan to his wife, super model Heidi Klum. She just had a baby and she looks incredible. I am filled with jealousy and ready to flip out when Seal announces that one of my favorite GRAMMY nominees, P!nk will perform!
8:42 p.m. If I did not love P!nk so much, I would probably die of jealously over how awesome her body is. I guess next time I cut my hair it will be like hers. Oh man, like Rachel Zoe I DIE! over this performance. She’s disrobing and is being harnessed up into the air.
8:44 p.m. WOW! Seriously, P!nk’s singing and twirling around like a Circue de Soleil member. They take her out of the air for a moment and she emerges totally wet. This is both intriguing, awesome and sexy. By far the most impressive number that I didn’t expect.
8:45 p.m. I wonder how many people in the audience are upset that P!nk sprayed water all over them? Probably not the creepy ones.
8:46 p.m Keith Urban and the chick who is not related to Adam Lambert, Miranda Lambert, give away the Trustees Award to a “friend of country music” Walter C. Miller. That was boring. Thankfully they also give away the GRAMMY for Best New Artist. The winner isn’t Keri Hilson and I die a little inside. Zac Brown Band wins.
8:49 p.m. Time for another commercial break, but when they finally get back Taylor Swift will perform with one of her heroes. I wonder who it’ll be, maybe Def Leppard
8:54 p.m. Miley Cyrus takes the stage. This is the first time in a while I have been impressed with any of her fashion choices. Her makeup even looks pretty good. MILEY, I APPROVE! She’s introducing the Black Eyed Peas performance.
8:56 p.m. The Black Eyed Peas started with “Imma Be.” This is super awesome. And Fergie looks perhaps the best I have ever seen her. Her face looks AMAZING. Can this honestly be better than the other performances? Am I turning into the person that goes crazy over every performance?
8:57 p.m. “Imma Be” transitions into “I Gotta Feeling” seamlessly. They’ve got tiny silver speakers on stage with the recordings of other fans and artists playing in the background. Way to go GRAMMYs! Also, the lighting on the stage is flipping phenomenal.
9:00 p.m. The GRAMMYs break for commercial and I decide that I’ll go and play with my T-Pain Auto-Tune app on my iPhone. By the time we get back from commercial break, I should have completed my masterpiece.
9:05 p.m. Only a five minute commercial this time, so I wasn’t quite able to complete my masterpiece, next time Gadget, next time.
9:06 p.m. The Jonas Brothers have taken the stage. Joe Jonas has really warped up things in the image department and Nick looks like he thought he was invited to the Academy Awards and then realized it was the GRAMMYs at the very last second. Please leave your James Bond tuxedo at home next time Nick! Anyways, they introduce Lady Antebellum.
9:09 p.m. Is it rude that I listened to five seconds of her performance and then fast forwarded through it. Cause if it is I totally didn’t do that. That chick from Chuck takes the stage with Juanes. Is it just me, or does he look like the Latin Colin Farrel? They’re announcing the winner of Best Comedy Album, and I cannot wait for it to be over cause that chick from Chuck has got the most annoying voice ever. And the winner is Stephen Colbert.
9:11 p.m. “This is a Christmas album, so obviously I should thank Jesus Christ,” more evidence why Stephen Colbert deserved the GRAMMY win!
9:12 p.m. Back to commercial break. Maybe this time I can complete something truly awesome like a six minute mile and time for a shower afterward.
9:17 p.m. Norah Jones and Ringo Starr go on stage to honor Bobby Darin with the Academy Lifetime Achievement Award. I bet more than half of the readers on here do not know who Bobby Darin is. If you do and you didn’t have to check Wikipedia for an answer you’re better than your friends.
9:19 p.m. Ringo and Norah are also announcing the winner for Record of the Year, “Use Somebody” Kings of Leon. I’ve got to say, that was my very last choice. Luckily though, the entire band got good and drunk and gave a speech that sounded like some sort of wasted riddle. P.S. why does that one dude have the dark haired version of Lady Gaga with his long curled hair?
9:20 p.m. I forgot to press publish for the last 10 minutes. There, now we’re published and Robert Downey Jr. is on stage. Swoon. He announces Jamie Foxx and T-Pain’s performance calling it an opera. They perform their hit “Blame It.” This is an awesome performance, but all I can think of is that viral video where the dude is drunk all over a liquor store and this song is dubbed over it.
9:23 p.m. Now you have seen that video. And we’ve all seen T-Pain take off the big crazy Mozart wig and start singing with Jamie Foxx. Hilarious.
9:25 p.m. Whoa, Slash is onstage. This is now the best part of this performance. Seriously, he’s the best at what he does. This is awesome.
9:26 p.m. Ke$ha looks drunk. She also looks like a giant standing next to Justin Beiber. Let’s hope he grows sometime in the near future or he’ll forever be a Hobbit! They remind you to vote for which Bon Jovi song the band will play. Did you vote yet? I’ve got to say I’m more of a “Livin’ On A Prayer,” girl myself. Then they break for commercial
9:32 p.m. Katy Perry takes the stage with legendary rock star Alice Cooper. They announce another trustees award and I ignore it cause it’s of some lady that I bet is dead. The give it to her daughter, she was dead. I was right again. They also announce the winner for Best Rock Album. As expected, Green Day wins! These guys are totally my favorite. I loved how Billie Joe Armstrong ended his acceptance speech, “Now I’m gonna go have shots with the Kings Of Leon.” HA!
9:34 p.m. Chris O’Donnell announces more trustee awards and I decide to have a drink, cause why not? Another old person got an award. Wahoo! After he talks about that, he introduces the Zac Brown Band, the winner of Best New Artist with Leon Russell.
9:40 p.m. That’s finally over and onto another commercial. Awesome!
9:45 p.m. Taylor Swift takes the stage to perform her new hit “Today Was A Fairytale.” She is so adorable!
9:48 p.m. Whoa, Taylor just introduced the legendary Stevie Nicks and the two perform, “Rihannon.” It was a nice effort, but that is Stevie’s song and she totally sang circles around Taylor.
9:49 p.m. Man I love Taylor, but her performances are super pitchy. She’s now singing an acoustic set of “You Belong With Me,” with Stevie Nicks. This is sounding a lot better half way through, but honestly, their voices do not work together.
9:52 p.m. Lionel Richie gets on stage and he begins with a Michael Jackson quote, “In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with despair, we still dare to believe.” He’s introducing the Michael Jackson tribute performance.
9:54 p.m. “I respect the secretive magic of nature,” Michael Jackson says in the beginning of the 3-d video intro. Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Underwood, Smokey Robinson & Usher take the stage to perform the duet with Michael, but it’s in 3-d and is sort of annoying. I guess I am going to close my eyes cause this is giving me a headache. Man, Celine and Usher sound incredible with Michael!
9:56 p.m. Carrie Underwood sounds impeccable with Jennifer Hudson. And wow, Jennifer Hudson is skinny! They all sound so great together. And Smokey Robinson sounds fantastic. I am sort of star struck, but this 3-d stuff is so annoying. Also, the whale in background is so Free Willy that I had to check and see if it was 1994.
9:58 p.m. Best part of the 3-d performance is watching the biggest stars in music geeking out in 3-d glasses. Awesome.
10:01 p.m. Prince and Paris Jackson take the stage to accept the Lifetime Achievement Award on behalf of their father. I dunno about you, but if my parents died when I was that age, I wouldn’t be able to go onstage and talk about him. How courageous.
10:08 p.m. Sheryl Crowe takes the stage and gushes about Doug Morris. He’s the recipient of another trustee award, The President’s Merit Award to Industry Icons. She also announces Bon Jovi. I know it’s going to be Bon Jovi when she starts spitting out facts about their awesomeness. They’re set to perform three songs plus another song decided by viewers.
10:12 p.m. Man, Jon Bon Jovi is so damned cute. I cannot remember a time where I did not have a crush on him. And now he’s old, and I’d still have him. MEOW!
10:14 p.m. The winning song is announced and it’s “Living On A Prayer!” No surprise here!
10:16 p.m. Placido Domingo and Mos Def take the stage. They are cute together. They announce the Best Rap/Sung Collaboration, I bet my house that “Run This Town” will win, even though I think it would be awesome if “I’m On A Boat” won.
10:18 p.m. “Run This Town” wins! I continue to be awesome. Jay-Z & Rihanna take the stage with who I believe is Beyonce’s nephew. Kanye is absent. Whoa!
10:22 p.m. We’re in the middle of a commercial break, but this seems to be going on forever. The show, not the commercial break, which is equally as long. I can’t believe they thought a three hour show was a good idea. If it wasn’t my job, I’d probably be super bored by now and wander off and play with something shiny.
10:24 p.m. We’re back from commercial break and Haiti’s loving son, Wyclef Jean, takes the stage. He talks about the crisis in Haiti, then talks in Creole! Maybe he should do a guest spot on True Blood. He announces a performance between David Foster, Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli.
10:27 p.m. I just realize this performance coincides with the crisis in Haiti. I guess I’ll have some ice cream and think about things.
10:31 p.m. We’re back to commercial break and we’ve got about an hour left! Wahoo!
10:38 p.m. Some guy I have never seen in my life talks about stuff I don’t care about it. Oh, it’s the President and CEO of the Recording Academy, and he’s now complaining about the way that “free music,” hurts musical artists. The audience even looks bored. His speech is just too long.
10:40 p.m. He finally introduces Adam Sandler who comes on stage in a t-shirt and jeans and explains that he puts an ushers (not the Usher) jacket on. Adam then introduces The Dave Matthews Band.
10:42 p.m. Dave Matthews is adorable. His entire band sounds so great live. He is such a fantastic performer. You can always tell when a performer is used to being live and he’s obviously the real deal.
10:46 p.m. Ricky Martin and Glee‘s Lea Michele join each other on stage to announce the winner of Female Pop Vocal Performance. Ricky is still super adorable. Is he ever going to come out with a new album or is he too busy raising two sons as a single dad? Wow, Beyonce won again. She’s so nervous that she’s shaking. Aww!
10:54 p.m. Back from commercial break, and L.L. Cool J takes the mic, but not to perform. He tells the crowd to keep clapping for him, and he’s right, he’s cute and talented, they should be going nuts.
10:55 p.m. L.L. is giving out another trustee award, but I am having trouble focusing. Do you know what it’s like to sit still for a three hours ceremony trying to capture every detail? Let’s just say your butt gets super tired. Eventually he introduces Maxwell and I realize that I am not going to the bathroom for at least another 10 minutes. Le Sigh.
10:58 p.m. Maxwell looks super sharp on stage for his duet with Roberta Flack. Nice.
11:00 p.m. The recording academy pays tribute to all of the artists that passed in 2009. Man, 2009 was a terrible year.
11:03 p.m. I still have to pee. Jeff Bridges takes the stage to talk about the real guitar hero Les Paul. The camera pans to Lady Gaga and her post performance outfit makes her look like she is trying to be a super nova. The more Jeff Bridges the more I think about The Dude. Jeff Beck takes the stage to perform Les Paul’s favorite song.
11:06 p.m. Commercial! Time to pee!
11:12 p.m. Quentin Tarantino introduces Drake, Eminem, Lil Wayne & Travis Barker performing “Drop The World.”
11:14 p.m. I wonder if Weezy appreciates that he gets to perform at the GRAMMYs before he goes to the clink? I bet these are not things Drake and Eminem are thinking while performing.
11:16 p.m. Drake is really good live. Also, I love the dynamic between him Weezy and Eminem.
11:22 p.m. Another commercial break, but then the award for Album Of The Year! Man, I have been waiting for this all night!
11:23 p.m. Someone calls me and asks me why Lady Gaga is wearing a kryptonite helmet. HAHA!
11:25 p.m. John Legend and Carlos Santana announce the winner for Album Of The Year. Even though I am pretty sure Beyonce will win, I would sort of love for Lady Gaga or Taylor Swift to win!
11:26 p.m. Taylor Swift wins! Her face looks like it is going to melt off. I’ve got to admit, I’ve listened to Fearlessmore times than I care to admit. “I just hope that you know how much this means to me!” Aww, she’s so cute.
11:28 p.m. John Legend signs out saying he’ll see us next year at the GRAMMYs! But will he? I guess only the future knows!