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If The Earthquake Doesn’t Kill Us, The Sodium Will

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staggchilifest If The Earthquake Doesnt Kill Us, The Sodium Will

In an apparent celebration of National Disaster Preparedness Month, the fine folks in our Engineering Department decided to refresh our emergency earthquake food supply. Usually all of these supplies are in a locked cabinet, and we’ve never actually seen what’s in there.

Today, we got our first glimpse. Hoo boy.

stalebread If The Earthquake Doesnt Kill Us, The Sodium Will

Feasting on moldy hamburger buns is a luxury we’re only afforded in case of emergency. Here you see our marketing guru Chad eying them hungrily. Sorry buddy — those aren’t for you!

johnmichaelfood If The Earthquake Doesnt Kill Us, The Sodium Will

Of course, what ration kit would be complete without Dinty Moore stew? It’s important to get 240% of your daily sodium in every bite. The Stagg Chili is just a bonus. It’s dessert chili.

I’m not sure what usually goes in one of these cabinets, but I think we always assumed it was something a little classier… not just a bunch of salt and nitrates.

If you’re in our building and an earthquake hits, forcing you to rely on the non-persishables in this cabinet, “The Big One” will most likely be referring to your massive heart attack.

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