Booker’s Bachelor Breakdown: Who “Juan?”
We promise…that was our very last Juan pun!
We are feeling ALL of the feelings after Monday’s finale of The Bachelor. After spending weeks watching the sleazy Juan Pablo stumble through a bevvy of eligible young women, we couldn’t agree more with Booker’s tweet:
When 8:10am rolled around this morning, Booker unloaded during his last Bachelor breakdown of the season:
“If you woke up this morning and someone said, ‘You know, Cleveland or Jacksonville has just disappeared from the map,’ would you really be that upset? It’s kind of like The Bachelor finale last night.”
It was an utterly unremarkable ending to a disappointing and douchey season. Dark horse Nikki the Nurse and Clare-dresser were the final two women left who could stand Juan Pablo’s antics…so who did he choose? Who cares?
Clare-dresser was the first one to meet Juan in the romantic garden, which is code for the kiss of death.
“She was quite upset. She had no idea it was coming, which was fun to watch.”
When she realized she was being dumped on national television, Clare-dresser said what we were all screaming at our television screens.
“I lost respect for you because, I’ll tell you what. I thought I knew what kind of man you were. What you just made me go through, I would never want my children having a father like you,” Clare scolded.
So, now that the awkward moment is out of the way, we’re ready for our fairytale ending…right? WRONG. Juan chickened out on the proposal, explaining that he wasn’t 100% ready to make the commitment, but he also didn’t want to let her go.
“No ‘I love you.’ No proposal…Come on, this is like it ending in a tie. This is like our Super Bowl ending in a tie! This sucks!” Booker vented.
Even during the After The Rose special, Juan refused to admit any honest affection towards the woman he’s been dating for practically six months.
“It turned into, like, the Bieber deposition! It was douchey to the next level and this poor girl,” he griped. “He’s just not a good guy, but she was just sitting there taking it.”
The. End. Yes, that’s how ABC wrapped up this stellar season.
“You felt gross and slimy. We didn’t get ‘I love you’s.’ We got nothing! There was no romance…Bachelor nation is so upset. They’re calling it the worst Bachelor ever.”
After you’ve finished showering off the sleaze, you can start gearing up for the next installment The Bachelorette. This season’s Andi, the assistant district attorney from Atlanta, will embark on her journey to find love beginning May 19.
“And I can’t wait to not watch that.” Booker laughed.
-Sarah Carroll, 97.1 AMP Radio/Los Angeles