By Jordy Altman
There’s nothing more American than stuffing your face at a baseball park and Dodgers Stadium is home to some of the best food vendors in America.
With hundreds of concession choices, it can get a little overwhelming if you don’t approach the stands with a plan.
We took it upon ourselves to draft a lineup of the best and worst food items at Dodgers Stadium, finally deciding which delicious treats hit a home run and which can stay in the dugout.
Leadoff Hitter – Peanuts
Ahh, salted peanuts. Good to eat, better to chew, fun to spit. An all-around crowd pleaser, Dodger peanuts have a high on-base percentage as one bag can be split with an entire group. While this snack is probably the oldest food offered at the stadium, peanuts have a surprisingly great speed for an old-timer and have been known to steal a base or too.
Contact Hitter – Major League Helmet Nachos
The only time a Dodgers helmet full of nachos ground into a double play was when the vendor accidentally scooped us two spoonfuls of ground beef. More of a bucket than a bowl, these nachos are piled high with meat, cheese, tomatoes, cheese, jalapeños, tortilla chips, and the big, fat, stinky cheese that turn pitchers into belly-itchers.
Three Hole – LA Extreme Bacon Dog
It’s official – bacon-wrapped hot dogs are the official hot dog of Los Angeles! A 1/3 pound all-beef dog is wrapped in thick-cut bacon, then topped with grilled onions, peppers, mustard, and mayonnaise. The Bacon Dog is perfect batting in the three spot as it has the highest batting average and is a real slugger – we’ve never seen a Dodger’s fan eat just one.
Cleanup Hitter – Beer
The best hitter on the team. The most popular player on the team. The most handsome player on the team. The Matt Kemp of food. Wait – beer isn’t even a food! Nope, but that doesn’t stop it from walking up the plate with confidence, swinging the bat to the upper deck, and smacking a Grand Slam to win the game in the bottom of the ninth. Beer is the savior of the ballpark as it makes all of the other food look better, taste better, and dance better too.
RBI Hitter – Chicken Tenders and Fries
The meat of the lineup. Delicious, deep-fried, and breaded with a side of french fries to round out your meal. It’s an American Classic, but you gotta weigh the pros and the cons – finger food leaves one of your hands free for catching foul balls… but that little voice in the back of your head won’t stop repeating, “Dude, didn’t you get this at McDonald’s yesterday for half the price?” Moneyball is a tough game…
RBI Hitter – Cheeseburger and Garlic Fries
Another American classic! Dodgers Stadium serves up a giant cheeseburger with all of the fixins, and then pairs it with a side of delicious garlic fries (hey, who cares about bad breath at the ball park?). In case the Chicken Tenders can’t bring home the previous batters, a 1/3 beef patty with lettuce, tomato, cheddar cheese, ketchup, mayo, and mustard is a great scoring opportunity. The patty is grilled to perfection and the fries are packed with flavor – and it’s always more fun to root for the home town hero!
On Base Hitter – Veggie Chop Salad
It’s all about the plate discipline in the backend of the batting order. Such is the truth with the Veggie Chop Salad. With so many other foodie options vying for a spot in the batting order, a box full of fresh veggies can only find a home in a city that thrives on diets and clean plates. And you know what? The salad is actually quite good, has a great price point, and doesn’t make you feel like a lazy fly ball to right-center field for finishing your food. Sure, you may not get a base hit with the salad, but everybody deserves a nice walk every now and then.
Designated Hitter – Brooklyn Dodgers Pizza
The designated hitter is there to swing the bat on offense and sit on the bench during defense. A giant slice of pepperoni pizza is the best DH at Dodgers Stadium. Packed with cheese and large cuts of pepperoni, the New York style pizza pie can be seen bubbling fresh and cut right front of your eyes. One slice is like a good single to left field, two is a ground rule double, three is a brilliant triple to the wall, and if you can eat a whole pizza… well, it won’t be as pretty as 400-foot homer, but an inside-the-park home run still counts on the scoreboard. You will be out of breath, but all of those high-fives sure make ya feel good.
Second Leadoff Hitter – Two Churros
The lovely Spanish doughnut that can be eaten by the fistful. Deep-fried, sprinkled with sugar, and served piping hot. Doesn’t matter if it’s a day game or a night game because these suckers are delicious for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Churros are even shaped like a baseball bat! Or is it shaped like a Kershaw’s throwing arm? Like the Peanut lead-off hitter before it, churros are there to just get on base, but also responsible for getting back to the pitcher’s mound and securing that no-hitter. Maybe if we have a third churro we’ll keep it up…
Also Eligible in tonight’s lineup:
Zach Greinke Bobblehead (non-edible)